I Wanted to Give Up

Journal, TCK's Articles, Writer's Articles

Dear Friend,

Ever since I started writing seriously two years ago, I’ve entered a battle. Well, a Christian’s battle begins the day they’re saved. Specifically, this relates to writing. One side is the work God wants me to do. The other side is the devil urging me to quit. Both sides have intensified as I continue writing. God wants me to take challenges beyond my craft level, and the latter became louder and stronger. On top of the battle, I’ve been recently struggling to accept that I can’t escape grief in life.

I thought of giving up. I could close my email ministry, delete this blog, delete all my drafts, and stop writing. I didn’t want to move anymore and just stay in one place. But these doesn’t solve anything. Yet, I want to continue for Him. Writing wasn’t my decision initially. My choice was to obey Him.

I was at the verge of breaking when He used a friend, a sermon, and His Word:


“He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.”

Psalm 91:1 KJV



It was also the whole chapter of Psalm 91. While the battle is on, I trudge on a narrow path up the mountain. But I’m at peace in the midst. I’m at peace because He’s my Refuge, my Fortress, my Habitation, my Deliverer, my Protector, my Shield, my Buckler, my God and my Saviour. I’m at peace I’m under His shadow and His wings. When He’s silent, I won’t fear because


“…he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”

Hebrews 13:5 KJV



Now, I’m living with the Lapidary’s hand cutting and shaping me, the fire refining me, and the hammer beating me. This will last for the rest of my life. And as long as a Christian is doing God’s work, the opposition opposes.

The adversary is a roaring lion that wants us to quit because he hates it when God is glorified through a serving vessel (1 Peter 5:8). It’s a battle we go through each day, fighting against the devil’s shoutings. The devil even uses other people to discourage us.

Therefore, make sure you’re wearing the whole armour (Ephesians 6:11-18); continue to trust Him, and He’ll give you strength and peace (Psalm 29:11). Remember, Christ has already won the battle.


“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33 KJV



Thus, if He wants me to go through this, I shall continue until I reach Home. The opposition can’t hurt me because my soul’s secured by my Author.


“Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Hebrews 12:2 KJV



Very Sincerely Yours,
Clarissa Choo-Choo Train




~

Clarissa Choo is a vessel used for Christ’s glory. Although she has lived in four countries, Heaven is her only Home. She desires to sow His seeds and to serve third culture kids, teens, and writers. Besides writing, she loves to wash dishes, chop ingredients into smithereens, and record hymns on her piano. Peek into her Christian TCK Email Ministry or read more posts.


It Was Hard since the Beginning

Journal, Writer's Articles

Dear Friend,

As I practice on, I thought the tracks would gradually be smoother than it initially was. I was wrong. The plain steeped into a slope with rocks, holes, and lumps.

I typed this partly because I never thought creating and continuing an email ministry could take so much out of me. Then there’s the new Book E which He wants me to start soon.

The literary romance novel may be one of the biggest projects I will write (the allegorical might be as big or even bigger). It may involve layers of complex moral themes and perhaps, multiple main characters. It’s outside my craft level and my comfort zone. The reason is that I dislike the genre. Then again, it’s not a typical romance book. Think War & Peace style, but less intimidating. Now that I think about it. Should it even be categorised as a romance? Or is it merely a literary fiction with romantic elements? Anyway. . .although I love reading and writing themes, this project will be far too complex for me to even plan. Yet, He wanted me to write it. I rather write a straightforward plot with simpler themes. He chose a multitude of mountain ranges while I eyed the hills. No. He wanted the ranges. Thus, I conceded.

Pondering on when I started writing seriously, I realised it has always been arduous. And it will be more arduous as I trudge forward. The serpent offered me thoughts of quitting and will continue to do so. I admit, I accepted his lies multiple times throughout the journey. Whenever that happens, the Conductor urged me

Don’t stop!

“I can’t. It’s too hard.” I replied.

Then lean on Me.


Thus, I gave up depending on myself again, and again. It’s impossible for me to climb. But as long as I look at Him instead of the mountains nor myself, the Train can go through ranges.


“Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:”

Isaiah 26:4 KJV




Friend, it was actually difficult since the day I accepted Christ as my Saviour. He even said it Himself that life will have challenges and sufferings. If the Christian journey is smooth sailing the entire way, then why do I need Him?



“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33 KJV (Emphasis added)




Very Sincerely Yours,
Clarissa Choo-Choo Train



~

Clarissa Choo is a vessel used for Christ’s glory. Although she has lived in four countries, Heaven is her only Home. She desires to sow His seeds and to serve third culture kids, teens, and writers. Besides writing, she loves to wash dishes, chop ingredients into smithereens, and record hymns on her piano. Peek into her Christian TCK Email Ministry or read more posts.

Switching the Turnout

Journal

Dear Friend,

The Conductor halted my second draft in mid-June. The place where He stopped in the plot baffled me. Soon, I realised cutting it short amplifies the theme. Thus, by His strength and wisdom, I completed Book B’s rewrite (from what I saw, I might rewrite it again in the future). His timing was perfect because I wasn’t expecting to be undergoing a period of grief the week after.

For July, I wanted to start one of my two new projects: Book C & E. Yes, after praying, I believe the Conductor wants me to write Book C. It was initially meant to be written leisurely not seriously. It helped me to be creative without the boundaries of storytelling rules. Now that He wants me to write it seriously, I have to start again from its beginning. The question is, when? My hand reached for the project. Howbeit, He switched the tracks and I faced left instead of right.

I found myself writing non-fiction nearly every day. The amount was large to me as a fiction writer that I had cravings for fiction. He told me to hold it off ’til the right time.

“And then I’ll start the allegory?” I asked. Like a child, I excitedly shook in my seat.

No. My shoulders fell. Book F. Alas! I currently long to jump straight into the ball pit of allegories. For years (literally, since I was eight), I desired to write allegories, and I’m so close to it, but no.

Perhaps, I wasn’t ready for that yet. Perhaps, He still wants me to improve in crafting themes.


Then recently. . . He gave me a new idea of writing allegorical short stories for families.

“May I write it alongside Book F?”

I wait for His answer.


Very Sincerely Yours,
Clarissa Choo-Choo Train



~

Clarissa Choo is a vessel used for Christ’s glory. Although she has lived in four countries, Heaven is her only Home. She desires to sow His seeds and to serve third culture kids, teens, and writers. Besides writing, she loves to wash dishes, chop ingredients into smithereens, and record hymns on her piano. Peek into her Christian TCK Email Ministry or read more posts.

One Word

Journal

Dear Friend,

It started with a word in my hands. One grew to two. Two increased to ten, and fifty proliferated to six thousand. I pressed them all in my fists. They felt good in my hands. They felt good with me.

The Conductor tapped on my carriage’s door. My trembling hands tightened their grasp, turning my knuckles white. The Conductor spoke. His Words pierced through my chest.

I gasped and opened my palms, releasing five thousand words, eight hundred words, and a hundred ninety-nine words. Finally. . .the last word,

Writer.

I gave it to Him.


Very Sincerely Yours,
Clarissa Choo-Choo Train



~

Clarissa Choo is a vessel used for Christ’s glory. Although she has lived in four countries, Heaven is her only Home. She desires to sow His seeds and to serve third culture kids, teens, and writers. Besides writing, she loves to wash dishes, chop ingredients into smithereens, and record hymns on her piano. Peek into her Christian TCK Email Ministry or read more posts.

Completing what I Began

Journal

Dear Friend,

These past few weeks prior to June 10, I was frustrated at myself for having such a terrible second draft. Although I was still in its final section Part 4, I thought the entire rewrite itself appeared more of a first draft than a second because I found myself still exploring my plot, characters, and themes. When two ideas for new projects came, I had happily licked them up, desiring to leave my rewrite for them. I thought, I’ll draft my new project first and then I’ll return to redo my rewrite from the beginning.

But

He said otherwise. I need to finish my rewrite no matter how bad it is. He never gave up on dying for me, a sinner; and He never gave up on changing me, a person full of flaws.

The Train blew its horn and lurched forward again.


Very Sincerely Yours,
Clarissa Choo-Choo Train



~

Clarissa Choo is a vessel used for Christ’s glory. Although she has lived in four countries, Heaven is her only Home. She desires to sow His seeds and to serve third culture kids, teens, and writers. Besides writing, she loves to wash dishes, chop ingredients into smithereens, and record hymns on her piano. Peek into her Christian TCK Email Ministry or read more posts.